Technology in 2022...

 

“Moving Forward with Purpose”

 

I heard my daughter speaking with my wife the other day. My wife is always busy, so most conversations happen on speaker phone. My daughter, a young, successful twenty-something, was telling my wife she was adjusting her intake of online content, social media, etc. She was doing it for “her own mental health”, recognizing that she needs some downtime to unplug, rest her mind, and tend to her own well-being. This caught my attention for a couple reasons. One, the fact that a young person in their twenties felt the need to find solace, quiet their mind and interactions, and unplug. Two, the inherent awareness necessary to make this assessment and act on it by someone in their twenties.

When I was in my twenties, it seemed like it was all about stimulation, socialization, and adding as much excitement and interaction as I could. Rec leagues, bar hopping, and connecting with friends and family on excursions was what we lived for outside of work. We “seeked” stimulation. We got informed about what was going on through the radio, a nightly news cast, or word of mouth (we got invited). The radio played the same news over and over, so one cycle of 15-20 minutes and you were caught up. Same with the news…..30 minutes a night. We looked for stimulation because each day was filled with times of quiet, solace, and peace…to the point of boredom.

Not today. Today we are bombarded with as much stimulation, interruption, over-communication, and downright invasive messaging as we can stand….and more. I believe my generation…the fifty-somethings, have a unique and many times more difficult struggle than the generations that follow us. Technology began to explode in my thirties with the internet (Thanks Al). The 24-hour news cycle, which started in the 80’s, grew along with it. Social media joined the onslaught in the early 2000’s. This technological evolution happened to me, for the most part, at the end of my twenties. It has been a constant struggle to learn, keep up with, and effectively utilize all the technological advances our culture has experienced.

Not so for my children. My wife and I monitored and curbed their interaction with the “stimulation super-highway” until their mid to late teenage years. After that, it has become more of a self-policing endeavor, with my wife and I staying connected, eyes open, trying to stay in touch with where they are at and how they are doing. They, on the other hand, have developed skills and awareness that most of my generation will struggle with for the rest of our lives.

They adapt to news technology, aps, and uses with ease. They can engage in just the media they want, instead of experiencing the troubling feeling of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). They easily flow in and out of online content, aps, and daily business without a struggle. They identify when they are being over-stimulated (which I feel is all the time…they feel differently) and make plans to unplug and temper their uses. I know young parents who easily work out schedules for their child’s use of technology, online stimulation, and development and stick to those schedules. Indeed, the next generation will handle technology better than we have, but how do they balance that stimulation over time? How do they avoid having to “take a break” from receiving information and stimulation? It’s almost as if the increased connectivity has created a greater need for isolation. This is very interesting, as feelings of loneliness and isolation have increased with social media usage among 19–32-year-old users, according to a recent Forbes article.

This is opposite for seniors, who are more connected to their families and friends through aps like Zoom, Facetime, and Facebook. My family felt the pain of distance in the 80-90’s, living in all 4 corners of the US. As I get older, I know that being able to both SEE and TALK to my kids and grandkids whenever I want will be a huge advantage that my parents did not have. They had to settle for a phone call, a letter, or a holiday visit once or twice a year, for decades.

Although use across generations can vary, I believe it’s all about the content. Human beings can handle much more interaction when that interaction is positive as opposed to negative. This has been a tremendous challenge the past few years. Technology is here to stay. Popularity of an ap or platform is directly related to how much people engage in it. It’s our choice as to how much we engage or not, and what we engage in, that greatly affects our well-being.

While technology can give a senior a look at their children and grandchildren, connect young professionals for business ventures, and give us a view into our heroes and superstars thoughts and lives, it cannot… and will not…ever…replace the feeling of a handshake, a hug, or empathetic eyes of a close friend. If we focus on crisis, debate, and disagreement, technology can portray a life of discord, hopelessness, and divide. This applies to both young and old alike. We would all be wise to ensure that we are maintaining a vibrant life in person with others, focusing on the positive, and making sure that we are utilizing all the technological advances of the last generation as tools to improve quality of life, not hamper it.

 

Youth Sports: A Case Study in the Deterioration of the Concept of Family

 

J-Bird at the 12u ASA Nationals in Chattanooga, TN

The picture above is of one of my daughters. At age eleven (11), her swing is as good as it gets. At least that's my unbiased fatherly opinion. She is my middle child, trailing her older sister by four years. While her older sister is a three sport athlete, J has decided to focus on just two.....softball and basketball. This past year, we ventured further down the rabbit hole of competitive youth sports. For those of you who have been spared of this emotional, money draining, time consuming, laboratory experiment with our children, let me explain.

 

There are several genres of youth sport these days....rec ball, school ball, travel ball, elite travel ball, and bust your balls. Each have their own unique purpose, as well as place, in the family. Which level you play at is primarily determined by just how paranoid you are as a parent and how vicariously you want to live through your children. Of secondary concern is the child, how competitive they want to be, the concept of fun, and whether they actually want to be there at all. As you move up the rung of competitiveness, there is a direct correlation between cost, time, intensity, and insanity.

 

For my first child, we went the neighborhood route. Community and school programs, recreation, and fun. About the age of ten, it became apparent that there was an exodus of young players from the "rec scene". The best players in rec ball all left to play travel ball. After age 10, there either were not any teams, or just a couple teams that seemed to lack focus, direction, and other teams to play. The majority of kids that wanted to keep playing entered "travel" sports. Travel means simply that....we travel around playing away from home against other teams, in other communities, sometimes other states. At first, I jumped right in. I even helped start a travel program in my community. I felt great about creating a program between recreation and full blown travel ball. In 4 years, we were the only team I ever saw pray on a field before or after a game. After our 3rd season, where we won several tournaments and had a banner year, half the team left to pursue "A" level programs to try to get college scholarships because we all of a sudden had a team of superstars. In retrospect, in developing the program, I probably threw gasoline on a burning building with families inside.

 

You see, youth sports has mirrored our culture in its quest for more, bigger, and better. For our kids to be more competitive, better players, and play on better teams, we play MORE, practice MORE, spend MORE, travel MORE, and sacrifice MORE. MORE time on the field, less time at home. MORE money for lessons, team fees, hotels, fast food, gas, equipment and less for retirement, college savings, household needs, and giving (yes, I said it. Giving.) This year, moving deeper into the world of competitive travel, I met a lot of nice people, sacrificing entirely too much for their kids to play a sport that by all appearances 50% could take or leave if we let the kids decide. Parents driving cars falling apart, paying thousands for their kids to play a game. Families that can't pinpoint the last time they sat around their dinner table together. Saving for retirement and college foregone so their little bundle of joy can play on the best team around. The toughest part of the whole thing involves intensity. Because we now spend so much time and money, we have ratcheted up intensity so tight that we have squeezed fun right out of the game for our kids. The kids that do thrive in this environment are sport junkies that have little else in their life. In the future, I believe we will pay a heavy price for such a focus.

 

This year, I observed coaches throwing Bownets out of dugouts, parents getting into fights over dugouts, and even parents telling their children, after a tough loss, to "throw their f****** bag in the trash because they were wasting their money". I have to believe that parents do not want treat kids or act that way in their presence. The intensity and pressure of all the time and money spent creates a competitive situation not suited for our children. Check this out... http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=OYehv_5rDk8 Where do we go from here???

 

I'm not really sure. The economic state of our country will inevitably adjust a family's ability to pay to play in youth sports in the future. Because it is "for our kids", it will be the very last thing families adjust in their spending habits. My interim solution for my older children, already committed to sports that operate in this environment, is to have them understand what they are committing to, what they are sacrificing, and have them participate in the decision understanding the time and money involved. My eldest daughter now pays for 1/2 her lessons. She recently decided to do lessons every other week instead of each week. She wanted a new bat. Paying half of the $300 cost made her like her current bat a little more. My middle daughter has focused on just two sports. She has decided she likes more competition, so she has decided to forgo grade school sports to create time for other things, like reading, art, and just having free time to hang out. I never thought I would ever be ok with not playing for your school, but this is the culture we have created. I have twins, age 10. One likes dance, and that is great. I purchased each of them some golf clubs and have pointed them toward track and field. It seems sports outside the big five (Softball, Baseball, Basketball, Volleyball, Football) have maintained at least the appearance of sanity. I search for programs that require more than a good arm, bat, or jump shot to be part of the team, regardless of whether they are up or down in talent, winning championships, or getting scholarships for their players.

 

 

Call it passé, but I look for integrity, team focus, family values, and holistic approach to player development before I consider wins/losses and championships. I consider what values my child will learn beyond the sport they are playing from the organization and coaches I am exposing them to in competition. This summer, I was at a tryout with my eldest, and after the tryout she came to me and said she wouldn't play for the team, even if they offered her a spot. Upon asking why, she explained...

 

"A player was hitting, and having trouble. She said she didn't know what was wrong with her. The coach said he knew what was wrong, she just didn't give a ****. I don't want to play for someone who talks to his players like that." Way to go kid, way to go.

 

 

I remember having to try answer my 12 year old when she asked me why it was ok for the coaches to swear in the dugout. She was raised that this is not acceptable anywhere else....why was it ok in the dugout? The answer is it is not. We left the team. They could have won the national championship, we still would have left.

 

This year, we joined a couple new organizations using our new evaluation criteria. The first doubleheader my 12 year old played, the coaches came in the dugout, said these were practice games, and challenged the players to handle the substitution rotations beyond the starting lineup, working together, playing different positions, and showing the coaches what they could do. They did this with 12-14 year olds, and it went just fine. In fact, they actually looked like they were having fun. Unfortunately for me, we lost both games, and my parental pride was forced to eat the overwhelming embarrassment. Too bad.

 

Until we, as parents, right the ship, youth sports will continue to separate families, be a source of conflict rather than joy, and rob our kids of the joy God intended when he created football , er, I mean rested, on the 7th day. Until next time...

In His Grip.

 

Watership Down

Today I start a new journey. Like the rabbits in Watership Down, I am forced from my comfortable hole in the ground out into the dangerous freedom of my own blog. I have posts on my work blog, but I really felt to be free to say what's really on mind, I had to lose all tethers and venture out on my own. Here I will talk about things I have experienced and thoughts about life as a Christian leader, growing up spiritually in a mega-church, and serving in many different areas, including efforts integrating the church at the neighborhood level (some obvious and some trojan horsed) so it functions 24/7 with and through God's people.

Excitement, boredom, passion, rage, empathy, resignation, laughter, sadness, celebration, exhaustion and euphoria have all been a part of it. So check back, but give up your right to be offended, join the conversation if you like, but be advised...