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| J-Bird at the 12u ASA Nationals in Chattanooga, TN |
The picture above is of one of my daughters. At age eleven (11), her swing is as good as it gets. At least that's my unbiased fatherly opinion. She is my middle child, trailing her older sister by four years. While her older sister is a three sport athlete, J has decided to focus on just two.....softball and basketball. This past year, we ventured further down the rabbit hole of competitive youth sports. For those of you who have been spared of this emotional, money draining, time consuming, laboratory experiment with our children, let me explain.
There are several genres of youth sport these days....rec ball, school ball, travel ball, elite travel ball, and bust your balls. Each have their own unique purpose, as well as place, in the family. Which level you play at is primarily determined by just how paranoid you are as a parent and how vicariously you want to live through your children. Of secondary concern is the child, how competitive they want to be, the concept of fun, and whether they actually want to be there at all. As you move up the rung of competitiveness, there is a direct correlation between cost, time, intensity, and insanity.
For my first child, we went the neighborhood route. Community and school programs, recreation, and fun. About the age of ten, it became apparent that there was an exodus of young players from the "rec scene". The best players in rec ball all left to play travel ball. After age 10, there either were not any teams, or just a couple teams that seemed to lack focus, direction, and other teams to play. The majority of kids that wanted to keep playing entered "travel" sports. Travel means simply that....we travel around playing away from home against other teams, in other communities, sometimes other states. At first, I jumped right in. I even helped start a travel program in my community. I felt great about creating a program between recreation and full blown travel ball. In 4 years, we were the only team I ever saw pray on a field before or after a game. After our 3rd season, where we won several tournaments and had a banner year, half the team left to pursue "A" level programs to try to get college scholarships because we all of a sudden had a team of superstars. In retrospect, in developing the program, I probably threw gasoline on a burning building with families inside.
You see, youth sports has mirrored our culture in its quest for more, bigger, and better. For our kids to be more competitive, better players, and play on better teams, we play MORE, practice MORE, spend MORE, travel MORE, and sacrifice MORE. MORE time on the field, less time at home. MORE money for lessons, team fees, hotels, fast food, gas, equipment and less for retirement, college savings, household needs, and giving (yes, I said it. Giving.) This year, moving deeper into the world of competitive travel, I met a lot of nice people, sacrificing entirely too much for their kids to play a sport that by all appearances 50% could take or leave if we let the kids decide. Parents driving cars falling apart, paying thousands for their kids to play a game. Families that can't pinpoint the last time they sat around their dinner table together. Saving for retirement and college foregone so their little bundle of joy can play on the best team around. The toughest part of the whole thing involves intensity. Because we now spend so much time and money, we have ratcheted up intensity so tight that we have squeezed fun right out of the game for our kids. The kids that do thrive in this environment are sport junkies that have little else in their life. In the future, I believe we will pay a heavy price for such a focus.
This year, I observed coaches throwing Bownets out of dugouts, parents getting into fights over dugouts, and even parents telling their children, after a tough loss, to "throw their f****** bag in the trash because they were wasting their money". I have to believe that parents do not want treat kids or act that way in their presence. The intensity and pressure of all the time and money spent creates a competitive situation not suited for our children. Check this out... http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=OYehv_5rDk8 Where do we go from here???
I'm not really sure. The economic state of our country will inevitably adjust a family's ability to pay to play in youth sports in the future. Because it is "for our kids", it will be the very last thing families adjust in their spending habits. My interim solution for my older children, already committed to sports that operate in this environment, is to have them understand what they are committing to, what they are sacrificing, and have them participate in the decision understanding the time and money involved. My eldest daughter now pays for 1/2 her lessons. She recently decided to do lessons every other week instead of each week. She wanted a new bat. Paying half of the $300 cost made her like her current bat a little more. My middle daughter has focused on just two sports. She has decided she likes more competition, so she has decided to forgo grade school sports to create time for other things, like reading, art, and just having free time to hang out. I never thought I would ever be ok with not playing for your school, but this is the culture we have created. I have twins, age 10. One likes dance, and that is great. I purchased each of them some golf clubs and have pointed them toward track and field. It seems sports outside the big five (Softball, Baseball, Basketball, Volleyball, Football) have maintained at least the appearance of sanity. I search for programs that require more than a good arm, bat, or jump shot to be part of the team, regardless of whether they are up or down in talent, winning championships, or getting scholarships for their players.
Call it passé, but I look for integrity, team focus, family values, and holistic approach to player development before I consider wins/losses and championships. I consider what values my child will learn beyond the sport they are playing from the organization and coaches I am exposing them to in competition. This summer, I was at a tryout with my eldest, and after the tryout she came to me and said she wouldn't play for the team, even if they offered her a spot. Upon asking why, she explained...
"A player was hitting, and having trouble. She said she didn't know what was wrong with her. The coach said he knew what was wrong, she just didn't give a ****. I don't want to play for someone who talks to his players like that." Way to go kid, way to go.
I remember having to try answer my 12 year old when she asked me why it was ok for the coaches to swear in the dugout. She was raised that this is not acceptable anywhere else....why was it ok in the dugout? The answer is it is not. We left the team. They could have won the national championship, we still would have left.
This year, we joined a couple new organizations using our new evaluation criteria. The first doubleheader my 12 year old played, the coaches came in the dugout, said these were practice games, and challenged the players to handle the substitution rotations beyond the starting lineup, working together, playing different positions, and showing the coaches what they could do. They did this with 12-14 year olds, and it went just fine. In fact, they actually looked like they were having fun. Unfortunately for me, we lost both games, and my parental pride was forced to eat the overwhelming embarrassment. Too bad.
Until we, as parents, right the ship, youth sports will continue to separate families, be a source of conflict rather than joy, and rob our kids of the joy God intended when he created football , er, I mean rested, on the 7th day. Until next time...
In His Grip.